TWO days to blog about..get ready ;)

I'd first like to start by saying that I've done three out of four days at uni this week so far!! WOOOO. Haven't managed that in AGES. & tomorrow if I manage uni (which I reckon I will) I'd of done a whole week, something I haven't done this academic year!

HOOOORAAAYY!!

Also - boring bit. I met with my course leader today, she is taking me out of the group that had all the drama last week 'cos of that one person. I am being given my own individual task to do. I'm so pleased as I hate group work and this means that I can work at my own pace and not have to worry about anyone else! Result :)

ANYWAAAAAAY; I met up with my best friend yesterday and we had a little wander round town :) And I did something out of the ordinary, bought some jeans! They have the potential to be good jeans, I just need to wear them in! :)

I also did my Jessie J nails too, I was pleased with the outcome but next time I think they will be better! :)

                                         

ALSO - my ring arrived today, Matt special ordered it as an anniversary present and because it's personalised, it took a little while to get here. It was nice for it to arrive today and we wandered to town to get it and have a subway. He's so good to me :) He also sent off for his passport so we can start looking/saving for a hot holiday, woooo!! I'm so excited, as well as Pontins next week and Kessingland at the end of the month. You'd think we'd get sick of each other but we don't lol! 

Cute isn't it? :) 

Anyway, I'm happy because things are FINALLY looking up and it feels like i'm getting somewhere. When I have good weeks it makes me think, God did I really feel THAT ill last week, and the answer is yes - I did. But it always seems a distant memory when it disappears for a while. However, I'm also thinking, today is a good health day but when will these good days stop and I will have a bad one? It's a little pessimistic, but I wake up thinking 'Am I bad today? Is that all I'm going to get of feeling well?'

Oh well - it definitely makes me appreciate the good days and get stuff sorted. 

Being in uni all this week has made me realise how much I like my degree. I make sure that everything I do 1. I want to and 2. is good use of time & if i'm not happy I change it. It's important to me and I love my life. 

Hope everyone is okay, if you proposed today - hope he said yes ;) 

hehe! 

Take care spoonies 

Love Charlotte xxxx 

Expect the worse..


Then it is never as bad as you thought it would be. 

So guess what, the hypocritical 'ignorant' person who caused all my upset last week (texting me nasty messages because I couldn't make it to uni due to waking up ill) wasn't even in lectures today..I then found

out (through FB, the route of all gossip) that it was because she spent the day with her boyfriend! Boy - she 
really doesn't have a leg to stand on!! 
I also met with my personal tutor - she isn't happy that I had to receive that message and agrees that it was from a person who really isn't in a place to say those things! 
Just have to sort out now whats happening with the group work! 

Today has been a good day all in all. Me and Matt went for a walk this afternoon down the sea front, it was nice - I love the sea air! I also took my camera, I haven't been able to take photos in so long so it was nice to snap away. Although Matt kept taking the camera to see if he could take some good shots too! He then swapped that for me taking a photo of him instead.! 

Here are some of the photos I took...

                                                        

We also had a chat about a day out next week as I have the week off uni - we both decided that we wanted to go somewhere a reasonable distance away but that would mean too much driving for me. So we have booked to go to Pontins for one night next week. I'm extremely excited, I've never been to Pontins before and I am in need of a night away so it will be really nice! :) Also going to take my camera - of course!

I came home and managed two thirds of an essay, I was on a roll!! :) If all of them can happen that easily then i'll be caught up in no time! I also just realised I really only have a month left of uni, as most of April is Easter hols then we finish on the 4th May!! How strange.

This is more of a 'what i've been up to' blog today, I hope you enjoyed it all the same! :)

Blog soon,
Love Charlotte x0x

went out last night, first time in FOREVER. It was a good night but I'm glad I'm not one of these people that goes out every weekend! I was glad to get in my bed. If it wasn't for my craving for Purple Rain, I'd of been sober - I don't really drink. I also had to wear flats as heels was just too much for my foot that still doesn't seem to be better.

Anyway, we went to a few places - had a little dance then headed home early hours this morning. I was happy to be home & put Matts jumper on :) I ache today but I'm not over tired, therefore I'm going to have a super restful day & just chill out at home!

I have lectures tomorrow morning but I'm anxious about going in after all the drama last week. I hate tension and I care way too much about what people think. :( I don't know what to do! Trying to keep positive but lately I let myself think all sorts and put myself down.
I haven't spoken to anyone since and it's just all awkward to be honest, I have so much anger inside me about it all but I hate drama and a part of me just wants to ignore it all. But I've got to go and speak to my tutors about it all, more time and energy I need to find - all because of some ignorant bitch. Grr.

I have uni this week then we have reading week - finally some time off! I miss my boyfriend, we need to have a day out together.
I miss smiling because I'm happy, I'm smiling at the moment because it's easier and i'm trying to tell myself it's all going to be okay, which I know it is. I just can't wait for that time to come.

Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine, thanks for listening, as always
Charlotte x-x

Hello everyone, not much to report today, i'm still feeling very drained from yesterday. I don't know where the day has gone, I haven't even done much - which I don't like because I like being productive.

Although I did do my gel nails again :) I did a different pattern this time..look..

I have work tomorrow, and to be honest I'm looking forward to it, i'm fed up being a student. I need to have some fun, essays are weighing me down. 

On the brightside (because every post should have a brightside) One month and two days and I'm away for 5 days with the boyfriend and best friend! :) Can't wait to have some time away!! 

Short blog today, 

I'm off to Pizza Hut :) mmmmm 

take care guys and girls x0x 

For those that witnessed my outburst earlier..I do apologise.

Let me explain..

At university - I am doing last semesters assignments as well as this semesters assignments all at once time because I was so ill last semester. Primarily, last semesters have to take priority as they are late. However - one of the assignments for semester two is a group presentation, which I obviously have to be a part of. We got to choose groups, so i'm with 'friends'. After a horrible relapse last week, I am still a little wobbly - so woke up this morning and couldn't hardly move, let alone drive myself to uni for the lecture then our group meet. I already knew that two out of the five in my group wouldn't be there due to them committing to other things (when they're spose to be in lectures) so I decided that I wasn't going to push myself (like I did the week before) as I was scared of relapse again.

Let's just say that I then received a very nasty message off of someone in my group calling me 'disappointing' saying that she was going to go to the lecturer about me. I was the only one out of the three people not there today who received this shitty message - fair right?! Hmm! She really let into me, saying that it wasn't good enough. Well, I was already frustrated that i'd woken up ill and struggling, this was just the icing on the cake and I broke down.

I don't even want to be in the group anymore. I did not receive one message last week when I was ill to see if I was okay and I get a shitty message for not turning up because i'm ill, when I could sit there and tell you so many examples of when everyone else in my group haven't turned up because they've been hungover,cba,shopping or getting a tattoo!! And they say my reason wasn't good enough, pffft! So much for friends.

When you look at someone, how can you possibly know what is going on in their lives, their health or how they are? So many people look fine on the outside, you can't judge them because of the way they look. I don't give anyone any trouble, because you never know what battles someone is fighting. Just a shame there are some people who are too ignorant to think like that.

I'm now left with no confident and purely drained from crying so much. It's time to make some changes, I don't deserve to be unhappy!

Hope everyone has had a good day, I am feeling A LOT less anxious about things now. I've written some lists and got my head around my deadlines. 


Going to see my gorgeous boyfriend tomorrow after uni and the best friend on Thursday, can't wait! :) 


Hoping to also start up my photography again soon, especially with this weather, I'm itching to get out - but uni work takes priority at the moment! :( 


Check out my Facebook page if you want. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Emmerson-Rose-Photography-Cards/273999102640843


Good night everyone & remember....


Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude.


Charlotte x0

I'M DANCING AGAIN! :)

Last night I went back to dancing after NINE weeks off because of my stupid foot.

A week before Christmas I fell down A STAIR. Not stairs, from top to bottom, all I did was step off a step the wrong way, foot bent back and I fell to the floor in agony - nine weeks later it's still not great.
But I danced - and that's the main thing!
I've started double classes too, so that's ballet AND tap..I don't have too many aches and pains this morning so I should think i'll be able to manage once a week! :)

I managed to condense my BB photos from 2,228 to just 285 for an album to sum up 2011 :) Should be interesting! Today I plan to go through my essay a bit more, get it just right for hand in and go to uni for a dissertation prep lecture.
It's SO annoying having to go to uni just for one hour but it's important so i'll get on with it - haha! Anyone who does not turn up today due to 'cba' or 'hangover' then I have no time for at all, they're idiots in my eyes!

Anyway, I hope that everyone is as best as possible, there's some cold/cough viral things going round so everyone stay rested!!

Love always x0

essays essays essays....

there is a lot that I could of probably blogged about over the weekend, but have no fear - I am okay now. A little anxiety to deal with but all in all, let's be positive! :)

My goal of this week is to get a good chunk of assignments out of the way & to also make a album of all my blackberry phone photos (the good ones) from the last 18 months, I was looking through them the other day and they made me smile so much. I will also sort my photography portfolio out and print all my photos from the last few months - good plan!

I'm also scheduled to go back to dancing tonight after a whole 9 weeks off due to injury, I'm so excited!!

Here's a photo of me the last time I danced, at the Christmas showcase! :) I'm in the middle of the line up!

Few thoughts of the morning

I'm now at the point in my relapse where I feel well enough to just rest, and not feel yucky. I will happily sit and watch film after film until I am back to normal, where as earlier this week - to have to lay and watch a film, frustrated me to high heavens. Weird eh!

Alot of my spoonies have iPads and say that you find them so useful, I've been thinking about getting one for ages now & I now have saved enough money to buy one, however, rumoured release date of the iPad 3 is close..so I may just hang on. I've been surfing the net for pretty cases though ;)

Also - I'm going to try and attempt a little bit of uni work today, first time all week, however - the more I read through my assignments, the less I believe that I am on the right tracks. I think I need an outsider to look at them and help me.

Today i'm feeling quiet, (again, not like me) & I want a cuddle from my boyfriend. 

This post is a little higgledy piggledy, sorry - it's bit more of getting what I'm feeling this morning onto paper (well computer!) ;) 

Also big thank you to everyone, I've got nearly 100 views already! Wow. Makes me so happy! 

Have a lovely Saturday

Charlotte x0 

Whats wrong? The #1 question that gets on my nerves. Friends tell me 'I understand' 'I'm here for you' YET THEY DON'T REALLY.

Sorry if I sound cynical, but I dont tell alot of people i'm ill, so I'm fed up of when I am telling people how I feel , they seem to listen intently - then say something like, get better soon, or my favourite 'do you want to go out tomorrow night'

If they had one inch of an idea how this makes someone feel, they then might actually shut up and stop asking. As nice as it is to be asked out, it makes me feel bad when I have to say no.

The same people say 'whats the matter?' after I post something about being ill, as if it's going to be something new or different, when I say 'same old thing' they look as if, what, still? Yes still. The clue is in the title...Chronic!

I don't even want to reply to people like that, waste of my energy. Don't get me wrong - I have THE most supportive people around me, but unfortunately - there are other people about too.

It frustrates me to high heavens what people have to say, i'd like them to be in my shoes for a day, because I don't think they'll be able to deal with it as well me and others like me do.

Sorry for the sudden outburst - I'm enjoying this blogging thing waaaaaay too much!

Hope everyone is having a good day
xoxoxoxox

Last night I spent quite a while on twitter talking to fellow spoonies, it was so nice to be able to talk to people about my illness, but also have a general convo with them too.

I'm so grateful for everyones words, along with those and my supportive family and boyfriend - I feel stronger already.

I've decided to post a photo on this blog, this was on my Grandmas 93rd birthday, three years ago. She is now spending her birthday in heaven as she sadly passed away Oct 2009.
She was and still is the most inspirational person in my family, a big hole was left when she died, who were we to visit? Who was going to sit and talk to us about her amazing life, while we eat her chocolate cakes and drink little cartons of orange juice?
She is the reason that I LOVE photography, she is my inspiration and the reason to everything I do. She managed so much in her life despite illness, she was stubborn and determined - just like me!
I'm going to do everything in my power to ensure I follow her legacy.

I'm sitting her looking through photos from just before she died, she looks so frail. There were some videos taken of her, just in her room talking and probably moaning (she did that well) But I haven't been able to bring myself to watch them yet, after two and a half years. Maybe soon. Photos make me feel close to her, they say a million words! 

I'm going to take her some flowers this afternoon before my hospital appointment, clean up her stone and say a little hello. 

I remember on her birthday we would always take her flowers and Cadbury Roses chocolates - her favourite! 

I remember her every day, but today she is even more so on my mind. 

Forever in our hearts, beautiful Grandma x 

I also have my hospital appointment today for blood tests. I was suppose to go yesterday but couldn't get out of bed, ironic eh! Hopefully that won't tire me out too much as tonight I am going to see my boyfriend play 'Prince Charming' in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs :) It's also our 5 month anniversary today so tomorrow we are celebrating that and Valentines day as I haven't seen him all week, i've been looking forward to it. So i'm happy that although I am not entirely better, I am definitely so much better than I was earlier this week! 

I have spoiled him for presents, because I'm so grateful for him :) 

This was us just recently at a party I managed to go to :) 

Thanks for listening everyone, hope you have a restful day! :)

I just want to SCREAAAAAAAAM!

Somehow, my university course leader does not understand the fact that having TWO semesters worth of assignments to do in the space of just ONE semester, as well as being ill and having a relapse, is actually hard/stressful.

On Tuesday morning I was coming down with a fluey type thing, but decided to force myself in to uni for a scheduled meeting with a tutor about one of last semesters assignments as cancelling would be too late notice, I shouldn't of forced myself - I got there to find out that he had gone home!!
Upon e-mailing my course leader with an update of my health and how it had been the worst it had been all year this week, I mentioned this. To which she then defended him, which she does with everything against her module lecturers. So frustrating. Makes me feel as if I've overeacted in telling her.

Also - being at home and not able to do anything gives me too much time to think, which I HATE. My mind is racing. Also - the boyfriend is working all week as it is half term, plus he has panto every night this week. So I can't talk to him much, that sends me thinking all sorts too. He is due to go away to work at a holiday camp later this year, which will obviously affect us A LOT, missing him just when I don't talk to him for a day is hard enough, what will it be like when he moves away for good.

Thats just one of the things i've been over thinking - I've started to think of plan B's for my life, incase things don't go to plan. I am half way through my degree, but my health is at it's worst. I am hoping to get all my essays in and I have all the right motivation, but there is only so much work you can do at a time (as well as resting and everything else you need to fit in!) There is always the 'What ifs....'

I know I shouldn't worry, but having time to myself, my thoughts seem to overrun my head. I know i'll be back to myself soon - in the meantime, this is my outlet! :)

Thanks for listening guys

New blog.

Hi everyone. *waves* 


Welcome to my new blog! I decided to start this in order to get all my feelings out, along with maybe what I am up to too and how I'm feeling! 


I suppose I should start with telling you a little bit about myself, so, my name is Charlotte, I am 20.


Ever since the end of Primary School I have been ill a lot, and always found it hard to get back to normal afterwards. Test after test came back clear and they just sent me away again.


Until I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid in June 2011, and put on replacement hormone therapy. I was told this would sort me out..WRONG.


After being prodded and poked around for ages, and all being well and fine (on paper) they were stumped. I should be well? But I definitely wasn't! 


So what do they do when they can't test for anything else, palm you off with M.E - which makes sense, right? Right! 


I've been suffering for long enough, long enough that I now know how to control my days so that I don't relapse (however this doesn't mean that I don't) 


Alll in all I am fed up. But my smile has NOT been knocked. I like to look back at everything that I have managed to achieve despite being Chronically ill (I may even post a list sometime) 


OH, I also have, Asthma, Excema and Irlen Syndrome - that's 5 things! Talk about problem child. But if you look at me, some days you would hardly know. 


I don't like talking about it, I was used to buzzing around being busy and accepting that I can't anymore, was possibly the hardest thing ever. I care way too much about what people think, so only a few of my friends actually know whats happening with me. 


I'm currently finding comfort in talking to others :) as well as balancing all this and a uni degree - I don't have much time to do anything else! 
However, I do LOVE photography and ballet, so try to fit it in when i'm not studying or in bed resting. 


I look forward to blogging for you all and hope that you get something out of it as well as me letting out all my thoughts! :)


Lots of love


Charlotte