Trying to hold on to the good days at the moment, really struggling, hope I start to improve soon instead of completely crash.
Just want to sleep all the time
arghhhh!!!!!!!
So many deadlines too, I need to finish uni on time - then I can have my long summer to myself.
Staying positive is exhausting in itself
Tuesday 24 April 2012
Rolling with the bad days as I just do the best I can.
The way I look at it is, I'm alive, I'm managing - I'm grateful. Things could be a lot worse. Yes I have bad days, but I have good days too. It's about balancing them out.
I believe that my ME has been a lot better lately but that could be down to quite a few things.
I have stopped drinking alcohol completely (didn't drink much before anyway) and stopped drinking fizzy drinks too.
My thyroid meds were put up by 50mg instead of the normal increase of 25mg
I also have a different outlook, I am able to push myself - it is just about knowing if you can push yourself of not. Like today, I can't push myself so I'm staying in, BUT i'm not giving in completely. I have my wheat bag and laptop on the sofa and i'm reading through uni articles. Thats the balance.
Anyway so, after my blog about working 8 days in a row I didn't update you on anything, it's all been a bit of a blur, I now have a new job (it's all a little top secret at the moment) but lets just put it this way..if it works out (which I think it will) thats my graduate position sorted :)
It was also Maxs birthday last Thursday and we had a great day. He's so adorable and was buzzing all day, bless him! Can't believe he is two already. Time flies! Christening on Sunday, can't wait.
We had a great day, even topped off by a visit from Sylvester the cat! Amazing.
Me and Matt also booked a holiday yesterday, all inclusive to Majorca in 29 days time, I CAN'T WAIT!!! Going to lay there ALL week and read. Oh and get a tan!!
Trying to get through uni work today, slowly slowly.
The sun will come out tomorrow
The way I look at it is, I'm alive, I'm managing - I'm grateful. Things could be a lot worse. Yes I have bad days, but I have good days too. It's about balancing them out.
I believe that my ME has been a lot better lately but that could be down to quite a few things.
I have stopped drinking alcohol completely (didn't drink much before anyway) and stopped drinking fizzy drinks too.
My thyroid meds were put up by 50mg instead of the normal increase of 25mg
I also have a different outlook, I am able to push myself - it is just about knowing if you can push yourself of not. Like today, I can't push myself so I'm staying in, BUT i'm not giving in completely. I have my wheat bag and laptop on the sofa and i'm reading through uni articles. Thats the balance.
Anyway so, after my blog about working 8 days in a row I didn't update you on anything, it's all been a bit of a blur, I now have a new job (it's all a little top secret at the moment) but lets just put it this way..if it works out (which I think it will) thats my graduate position sorted :)
It was also Maxs birthday last Thursday and we had a great day. He's so adorable and was buzzing all day, bless him! Can't believe he is two already. Time flies! Christening on Sunday, can't wait.
Me and Matt also booked a holiday yesterday, all inclusive to Majorca in 29 days time, I CAN'T WAIT!!! Going to lay there ALL week and read. Oh and get a tan!!
Trying to get through uni work today, slowly slowly.
The sun will come out tomorrow
Monday 9 April 2012
YES, I've just managed to work eight days in a row.
NO my ME isn't 'cured' or 'fake'
I think I can be the one to say that people go through the good and the bad times with ME, I sure have experienced it all.
Working this week has been the most I've done in years, the first time in years I've felt normal and with it. Everyone deserves to feel like that for any amount of time.
What people don't understand is the sacrifices you have to make to be able to attempt to feel 'normal'
I don't go out in the evenings, I'm almost always in bed by 8 to get at least 10 hours sleep and lots of rest time, I have to say no to some things, because I know I'm then doing something the next day which I need energy for, I may as well have my wheat bag glued to me as I always am warming it up and applying it to whatever part of my body needs most. That is not normal for a twenty year old really, is it?
That has been me every single night for the past week, I have put on my smiles and when I've done my hours, I get home and completely crash. Where as others would be able to get in and then carry on doing things, tidying, watching TV, whatever.
Some of you may be thinking, well that's not fun, working and crashing? Well for me - it's going to lead to where I want to/need to get in my career, I am determined as well as motivated to get to where I want, get the future that I've always dreamed of. If I pull it off, I won't have to work a 9-5 day job and I will be able to enjoy life as well as rest. But I believe there is a time and place for everything - that will be then, this is now. I'm working hard to balance, it doesn't always work but I'm trying.
I will be the first person to tell you that ME is awful and depressing and life changing, but I am also on the quest to find ways round this awful illness and control it.
Everyone deserves the life they love.
NO my ME isn't 'cured' or 'fake'
I think I can be the one to say that people go through the good and the bad times with ME, I sure have experienced it all.
Working this week has been the most I've done in years, the first time in years I've felt normal and with it. Everyone deserves to feel like that for any amount of time.
What people don't understand is the sacrifices you have to make to be able to attempt to feel 'normal'
I don't go out in the evenings, I'm almost always in bed by 8 to get at least 10 hours sleep and lots of rest time, I have to say no to some things, because I know I'm then doing something the next day which I need energy for, I may as well have my wheat bag glued to me as I always am warming it up and applying it to whatever part of my body needs most. That is not normal for a twenty year old really, is it?
That has been me every single night for the past week, I have put on my smiles and when I've done my hours, I get home and completely crash. Where as others would be able to get in and then carry on doing things, tidying, watching TV, whatever.
Some of you may be thinking, well that's not fun, working and crashing? Well for me - it's going to lead to where I want to/need to get in my career, I am determined as well as motivated to get to where I want, get the future that I've always dreamed of. If I pull it off, I won't have to work a 9-5 day job and I will be able to enjoy life as well as rest. But I believe there is a time and place for everything - that will be then, this is now. I'm working hard to balance, it doesn't always work but I'm trying.
I will be the first person to tell you that ME is awful and depressing and life changing, but I am also on the quest to find ways round this awful illness and control it.
Everyone deserves the life they love.
Sunday 8 April 2012
Haven't blogged in AGES..so here's a big one.
The last time I blogged, I'd just got back from a working trip in London, I then went on holiday to Lowestoft for five days - it was when we had the most gorgeous weather and all we did all week was chill out - I was in skirts and dresses and we spent alot of time relaxing on the beach or in the caravan, I even got to read and I never read at home :) I read Stacey Solomons autobiography and really enjoyed it.
Those five days went really quickly, and soon enough I was back home in Suffolk! I was thrust right into routine again, along with hurting my shoulder and ending up in the minor injury clinic (I tore the rotator cuff muscle) so I was in a sling for a while. But if you know me, you'd know that it didn't stop me and I carried on. I had various work placements this week, some more exciting than others.
BUT
I've done things this week that I never thought i'd manage again, i've pushed myself and in result, I've set myself new limits, i'll be able to look back and say 'well I did it that week' So I may be a little achey and sleepy now, but I'm determined to stay positive. A few months ago I couldn't even manage one day work a week!
SO..Happy Easter everyone!! I made the recipe on the back of the mini egg packet last night - chocolate cupcakes with chocolate butter cream icing, a nest of flake and mini eggs in the middle - i'm yet to taste one but I'm excited as they look YUM!
The last time I blogged, I'd just got back from a working trip in London, I then went on holiday to Lowestoft for five days - it was when we had the most gorgeous weather and all we did all week was chill out - I was in skirts and dresses and we spent alot of time relaxing on the beach or in the caravan, I even got to read and I never read at home :) I read Stacey Solomons autobiography and really enjoyed it.
Those five days went really quickly, and soon enough I was back home in Suffolk! I was thrust right into routine again, along with hurting my shoulder and ending up in the minor injury clinic (I tore the rotator cuff muscle) so I was in a sling for a while. But if you know me, you'd know that it didn't stop me and I carried on. I had various work placements this week, some more exciting than others.
BUT
I've done things this week that I never thought i'd manage again, i've pushed myself and in result, I've set myself new limits, i'll be able to look back and say 'well I did it that week' So I may be a little achey and sleepy now, but I'm determined to stay positive. A few months ago I couldn't even manage one day work a week!
SO..Happy Easter everyone!! I made the recipe on the back of the mini egg packet last night - chocolate cupcakes with chocolate butter cream icing, a nest of flake and mini eggs in the middle - i'm yet to taste one but I'm excited as they look YUM!
I have another busy week (ish) this week, but more fun this time and I will get to relax too. On Wednesday, me & Matt are doing another two days (one night) away to Pontins, but this time we are taking baby Max, his Godson for his 2nd birthday. I'm really excited, everythings ready, we just need to wait for Wednesday to arrive now!
Anyway, it's a quicker blog than i'd like but i'm not too great this morning, I fell asleep in my clothes last night (I wasn't drunk) just crashed! I'm heading to a local farm today for a little while to help out as part of my events management experience.
Hope everyone has a lovely Easter weekend eating what they gave up for lent.
Speak to you soon
Lots of love
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