It's hard writing a blog post on my feelings, especially when they are so fresh in my mind, but I won't lie to you, I've been on a huge struggle lately.
I know i've blogged about it vaguely and said 'I think I'm getting there' - but I've realised that I have been monitoring how I feel a little too much, comparing days and winding myself up.
I've learnt that the trick is to stop worrying about how you feel, just embrace it and feel it.
I've been very down in the last couple of weeks, so much so that I can't remember the last time I felt as down as I have, it's okay not to be okay, you need to remember that. What I did, which was wrong, was on top of feeling horrid and down, I beat myself up for feeling like this - I got angry at myself, panicked and hated myself for feeling so down.
Take it from me - this is so much harder than just embracing your sadness, I have been a mess and what I should of been doing all along is just allow myself to be sad, have the time I need to feel the way I did and it would of probably passed a lot quicker. Anxiety has taken its toll too, anxiety is a nasty nasty thing that sometimes just gets too strong to control - this is where you need to have coping mechanisms that you can use, I think I forgot my coping mechanisms and let anxiety put up a huge battle, I really did feel like I was loosing the battle. I thought I was going crazy, that no-one would understand and I felt like I couldn't even handle the smaller things in my day. This was wrong, of course..but you know how anxiety works!
This may sound strange - why would you want to feel sad? You don't, but sometimes your body does things that don't make sense..so don't get angry, just let it run its course and then you can get back up to your normal self.
I don't really want to comment on how I am at the moment, I don't really want to analyse it - by me doing this, I'm being a lot more relaxed about everything, letting my feelings run their course whatever they may be.
I suppose this is my way of managing at the moment. All I know is that I had to try something..
Monday 28 January 2013
Monday 21 January 2013
Two weeks gluten free
It's been two weeks today that I have been gluten free (as well as Facebook free too!)
It's going well, I've had less tired days - but I'm not sure if that is because I know how to pace? I have a long time to go until I can my thyroid levels tested, so I've got to keep going in the hope that it is doing some good.
I wouldn't say it is difficult, I haven't ever sat there and thought 'I have nothing to eat' - because I plan my meals and snacks, it's been okay. I've also found i've been eating a lot healthier too.
If you have instagram, i've been posting some of my meals on there - follow @glutenfreegoddess to have a peak!
I've definitely always been a foodie person, I have a taste for quality foods, no processed/fast food rubbish - so i'm not afraid of being brave with my cooking. I'm hoping to try more recipes this week along with some gluten free cakes maybe!
I appreciate your support, any tips you can give me too! & I apologise for my mood in the last week, i've been all over the place and I'm not sure why!
xxxxxxx
It's going well, I've had less tired days - but I'm not sure if that is because I know how to pace? I have a long time to go until I can my thyroid levels tested, so I've got to keep going in the hope that it is doing some good.
I wouldn't say it is difficult, I haven't ever sat there and thought 'I have nothing to eat' - because I plan my meals and snacks, it's been okay. I've also found i've been eating a lot healthier too.
If you have instagram, i've been posting some of my meals on there - follow @glutenfreegoddess to have a peak!
I've definitely always been a foodie person, I have a taste for quality foods, no processed/fast food rubbish - so i'm not afraid of being brave with my cooking. I'm hoping to try more recipes this week along with some gluten free cakes maybe!
I appreciate your support, any tips you can give me too! & I apologise for my mood in the last week, i've been all over the place and I'm not sure why!
xxxxxxx
Thursday 17 January 2013
Not me yet.
January goes so slow, don't you agree? Majority of people aren't happy and it's like an after Christmas lull. It will soon be over then we can get on with the rest of the year!
I've started feeling a little bit better, a little bit more like myself, but i'm not myself yet.
I wish I could explain it all, but I don't even know myself. It's like someone took away all my happy, motivated thoughts and replaced them with anxiety and worry. I'm normally good at looking on the brightside and maintaining a happy personality but this past week has been weird. Aside from crying into my boyfriends arms, I have had random outbursts and panics about such small little things, and haven't wanted to be alone. I thought I was sorted and excited for the future, to be growing up..I am, I am! I guess a sense of overwhelm gets to us all sometimes.
I have been gluten free for 10 days now, and I think (hope) it is doing me some good, I mean, all the research is positive and everyone i've spoken to have said good things about it, so i've got nothing to lose? Hopefully I will start seeing some effects soon, it would be nice to lose a little weight too!
As most of you know, I am set to graduate this year, after years of primary school, high school, sixth form and now university, I am finally going to be in the big outside world, I am the one who can choose my next step and where I go; scary/overwhelming/exciting - I feel them all! If I was to reflect back on the last few years, I would see how far i've come. I like to think of myself as a pretty levelheaded person who has grown strength in dealing with everything I have, one of my favourite quotes is 'get knocked down 7 times, get up 8' - which is true, and I like to live by that, you have always got to make sure you get back up again, even if it does take you a little while (mine is a week so far) so what, chances are you'll get back up and be a little stronger than last time!
I guess what i'm trying to say is i'm just realising that I actually have control over what happens next, there isn't a set path for me..it's a little exciting as there is so much I want to do, but at the same time..bloody overwhelming! I guess
I just need to listen to myself and take one day at a time..I mean, that's the best way right? I can't be the over-organiser anymore, it takes up too much energy. I've learnt that it's how you deal with things that matter most - that is what effects how you feel from a certain situation.
So that's what I gotta do!
Go with the flow!!
I invite you all to do the same, stop organising something, leave something until the last minute (don't be worrying about it until then), do something for yourself like have an extra long bath or eat a couple more chocolates. It's our lives, we should do what we want and not have to worry!!
The only thing that matters is that you are alive, and you are happy
I've started feeling a little bit better, a little bit more like myself, but i'm not myself yet.
I wish I could explain it all, but I don't even know myself. It's like someone took away all my happy, motivated thoughts and replaced them with anxiety and worry. I'm normally good at looking on the brightside and maintaining a happy personality but this past week has been weird. Aside from crying into my boyfriends arms, I have had random outbursts and panics about such small little things, and haven't wanted to be alone. I thought I was sorted and excited for the future, to be growing up..I am, I am! I guess a sense of overwhelm gets to us all sometimes.
I have been gluten free for 10 days now, and I think (hope) it is doing me some good, I mean, all the research is positive and everyone i've spoken to have said good things about it, so i've got nothing to lose? Hopefully I will start seeing some effects soon, it would be nice to lose a little weight too!
As most of you know, I am set to graduate this year, after years of primary school, high school, sixth form and now university, I am finally going to be in the big outside world, I am the one who can choose my next step and where I go; scary/overwhelming/exciting - I feel them all! If I was to reflect back on the last few years, I would see how far i've come. I like to think of myself as a pretty levelheaded person who has grown strength in dealing with everything I have, one of my favourite quotes is 'get knocked down 7 times, get up 8' - which is true, and I like to live by that, you have always got to make sure you get back up again, even if it does take you a little while (mine is a week so far) so what, chances are you'll get back up and be a little stronger than last time!
I guess what i'm trying to say is i'm just realising that I actually have control over what happens next, there isn't a set path for me..it's a little exciting as there is so much I want to do, but at the same time..bloody overwhelming! I guess
I just need to listen to myself and take one day at a time..I mean, that's the best way right? I can't be the over-organiser anymore, it takes up too much energy. I've learnt that it's how you deal with things that matter most - that is what effects how you feel from a certain situation.
So that's what I gotta do!
Go with the flow!!
I invite you all to do the same, stop organising something, leave something until the last minute (don't be worrying about it until then), do something for yourself like have an extra long bath or eat a couple more chocolates. It's our lives, we should do what we want and not have to worry!!
The only thing that matters is that you are alive, and you are happy
Monday 14 January 2013
A week gluten free!
It's been a good week, and I'm not just saying that. With careful planning, gluten free is very easy and healthy! I've been trying gluten free products as well as making meals with lots of veg and quorn.
I've been a little more hungry at times, but even the snacks aren't unhealthy so I shouldn't be doing much harm.
One thing that hasn't been so good is I seem to of got quite emotional towards the end of the week and experiencing urges to cry as well as feeling very overwhelmed and anxious. Feel sorry for my darling other half who has been a big shoulder to cry on all weekend.
This isn't like me, when my anxiety is bad, it's not in this way, so it's a little annoying and confusing. I've researched into the effects a diet change may have but can't seem to find out much, hopefully it will pass.
I've also been keeping a food diary in order to remember what I've been eating, I also record pain and fatigue levels and hours sleep per night, it's been good to look back on and hopefully will get much better! I've found that I need at least 9 or 9 and a half hours sleep per night in order to function properly, everyone's is different but that is the amount that seems to help me the most.
I've been planning my meals for this week, hopeful for another good week :-)
I've been a little more hungry at times, but even the snacks aren't unhealthy so I shouldn't be doing much harm.
One thing that hasn't been so good is I seem to of got quite emotional towards the end of the week and experiencing urges to cry as well as feeling very overwhelmed and anxious. Feel sorry for my darling other half who has been a big shoulder to cry on all weekend.
This isn't like me, when my anxiety is bad, it's not in this way, so it's a little annoying and confusing. I've researched into the effects a diet change may have but can't seem to find out much, hopefully it will pass.
I've also been keeping a food diary in order to remember what I've been eating, I also record pain and fatigue levels and hours sleep per night, it's been good to look back on and hopefully will get much better! I've found that I need at least 9 or 9 and a half hours sleep per night in order to function properly, everyone's is different but that is the amount that seems to help me the most.
I've been planning my meals for this week, hopeful for another good week :-)
Sunday 6 January 2013
2013..the plans!
I'm excited to get 2013 underway, as previously stated, I don't have resolutions, just to carry on with what I've been doing, but I do have some plans!
I've recently read the following article
http://outsmartdisease.com/how-to-get-off-thyroid-medication/
by @outsmartdisease
It outlines some very important/scary factors regarding thyroid, of which mine is underactive!
After reading this article, a lot of things now make sense to me - but i'm left with the question 'Why wasn't I told this by the Doctors?' Now, that's probably another story.
So, in no particular order - here are is my plan for 2013 regarding my health..
I've recently read the following article
http://outsmartdisease.com/how-to-get-off-thyroid-medication/
by @outsmartdisease
It outlines some very important/scary factors regarding thyroid, of which mine is underactive!
After reading this article, a lot of things now make sense to me - but i'm left with the question 'Why wasn't I told this by the Doctors?' Now, that's probably another story.
So, in no particular order - here are is my plan for 2013 regarding my health..
- Get back to the drs and discuss my thryoid problems, yes my levels are 'normal' but how normal, they don't tell me my levels - of which I deserve to know. So I am going to get back to the drs and discuss it in more detail. I also hate that I am on tablets, I don't want them in my system and believe in alternate methods, I want to get off these tablets - if not, reduce them.
Going by the article I linked up there, this is possible. So I plan to do everything in my power to ensure that I keep getting better. This may mean a gluten free diet, which will be a huge change, but if I see results then I don't care! A poorly treated thyroid can lead to A LOT of further complications and problems, of which I want to avoid. So please join me in my quest, hopefully I will be successful!
I know a lot of you are on a gluten free diet, and/or are under active thyroid..so I appreciate any information you can give me
Tuesday 1 January 2013
New Year, NOT a new you
And I mean that in the nicest way possible, we are who we are and that won't ever change..we are who we are for a reason. So it is wrong to say 'new me' because that would be untrue, what it really is, is a little motivation to set yourself some goals to achieve before the year is over again. To enhance yourself, into more lovely and wise people through each day.
You should take everything that comes at you, in a positive manner..otherwise, it's been a waste of time? Learn from what happens to you, it doesn't define you..you define it.
So with that little bit of wisdom I wanted to share a few of my thoughts for 2013..
I don't believe in people saying that a whole year was crap..there are 365 days in the year, I'm sure there was at least one good one! They're obviously negative people..of which I do not understand.
2012 was a mix for me, lots of good, some bad, and a lot of life lessons to be learnt. But I will let each event shape me for 2013 and continue to make me stronger. 2012 was a big year in which I learnt to deal and overcome a lot of feelings and bad health that affected me badly in 2011. Because I have learnt to be content with myself, and to pace myself and sometimes be a little selfish, I am getting better each day.
My anxiety has lessened, my outlook on everything is much clearer and I can see a positive future ahead of me.
The future isn't scary anymore, it's exciting and I'm going to take every last bit in and enjoy it. 2013 will be amazing, I have so much planned..some of which ill share with you and some, you'll just have to wait and see.
The Charlotte that types this blog is the same Charlotte, that was very ill a couple of years back, we don't change remember. But she is taking what happened on board, facing it straight on and she is bouncing back stronger than anyone expected her to!!
I think that's where the quote comes in 'I control ME, it does not control me'
2013 will be a continuation of my positivity, mind set and just good living! So therefore my New Years resolution is to carry on doing everything I have been doing..because its working!!
Help yourself everyone, be selfish, do what you need to do..and you never know, it may just help kick some ass :) join me in a year full of positivity and I promise you, it will be a good one!
13, be lucky!
You should take everything that comes at you, in a positive manner..otherwise, it's been a waste of time? Learn from what happens to you, it doesn't define you..you define it.
So with that little bit of wisdom I wanted to share a few of my thoughts for 2013..
I don't believe in people saying that a whole year was crap..there are 365 days in the year, I'm sure there was at least one good one! They're obviously negative people..of which I do not understand.
2012 was a mix for me, lots of good, some bad, and a lot of life lessons to be learnt. But I will let each event shape me for 2013 and continue to make me stronger. 2012 was a big year in which I learnt to deal and overcome a lot of feelings and bad health that affected me badly in 2011. Because I have learnt to be content with myself, and to pace myself and sometimes be a little selfish, I am getting better each day.
My anxiety has lessened, my outlook on everything is much clearer and I can see a positive future ahead of me.
The future isn't scary anymore, it's exciting and I'm going to take every last bit in and enjoy it. 2013 will be amazing, I have so much planned..some of which ill share with you and some, you'll just have to wait and see.
The Charlotte that types this blog is the same Charlotte, that was very ill a couple of years back, we don't change remember. But she is taking what happened on board, facing it straight on and she is bouncing back stronger than anyone expected her to!!
I think that's where the quote comes in 'I control ME, it does not control me'
2013 will be a continuation of my positivity, mind set and just good living! So therefore my New Years resolution is to carry on doing everything I have been doing..because its working!!
Help yourself everyone, be selfish, do what you need to do..and you never know, it may just help kick some ass :) join me in a year full of positivity and I promise you, it will be a good one!
13, be lucky!
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