Sorry I haven't blogged in, well - over a week! How bad of me.

I've been quite busy and a lots happened, I'm not going to sit and tell you minute by minute of it all because i'm tired lol.

In the past week I've been down to London for work, two LONG days with lots of tubes and trains = a very over tired and emotional Charlotte. I'm going away on Monday for five days, I can't wait to get away and chill out, I think I've earned it.

So I know this is a boring blog, but I felt bag for not being in contact! I will be back soon and on form, I promise!!

In the mean time, we'll speak on twitter :)

@fightMEstrong

One thing I've started to do lately is wonder more and more about what things mean, I have always believed that everything happens for a reason - therefore every aspect has a meaning too? 


For example, Magpies are always around me. I never saw them and now - in the last few years, they're always around where ever I go. Unfortunately I couldn't find out much about their symbolism.


Anyway so the latest thing that I wanted to find out is dream interpretations - why last night did I dream of Zoo animals?!


So I did what I always do when I'm not sure..GOOGLE IT! 


One site said: A zoo is a place where animals are caged and bred. Has your heart become like a Zoo? Do you breed animal like qualities such as anger, jealousy and hatred? Alternatively, your dream may represent your good psychological qualities that need to be released. You must decide.  (dreamsleep.net) 


Another said: If you have a wild animal dream that scares or confronts you, look for where in your life you are afraid of taking a risk, or where you are not allowing yourself to feel free or experience something fully because you might be afraid of what will be released if you do. 
If you dream of wild animals, look for where changes are happening, and whether you are resisting them or embracing them. Wild animal dreams invite you to trust your instincts, to discover your own independent source of power, and to understand the challenges and rewards of freedom. (thedreamwell.wordpress.com) 


SO - who would of said my zoo animal dream meant that? Not me..but I tell you - it does make sense to my pattern of thinking lately, probably in more ways than one. 


I won't go into too much detail because, well, it's my life and this is only a blog! But it does make sense to me & I think that's amazing! 
It's mine and Matts 6 month anniversary today, and he is now my longest relationship - a lot of people think just because I am older than him, that I am more experienced, had more relationships and all that - well thats untrue. What I don't talk about a lot is my relationship before Matt, I try not to let it influence my train of thought now but sometimes it creeps in. To me, this is why I can understand the dream symbolism from last night. I'll explain to anyone if they want me to, but I'm not about to write it all over my blog! 


I also think that my dream links in with ME. A lot of people with ME feel trapped, I am trying to learn to trust my instincts - if I don't feel good, then I will put myself first, and not force myself to do something I don't feel good about. I listen to my body but I don't let it control me. 


'not allowing yourself to feel free or experience something fully because you might be afraid of what will be released if you do'  I think everyone can relate to this sentence! So you must all be dreaming about Zoo animals - haha! We are always, always, always scared of that R word, relapsing - because that puts us somewhere we don't really want to be - out of control. 


You may not agree with what I just wrote, but I just thought i'd share with you my dream and its symbolism, I like to think about things a little further. 


So - in the inspiration of my dream, release yourself - don't be scared of ME. You control it. 


and remember. 'everything happens for a reason, you might just not know it yet' 

I've just re-read an assignment from last semester (that I got referred in) and it is AWFUL. It was the only assignment that I managed to submit because I was so ill - not that it did me any good as I need to re-submit anyway.
Shows how far i've come I suppose? This semesters assignments are sooo much better!!

I didn't even spell check..man, What was going through my head?!!?

Just read my DSA report

Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be..

He put across everything well, it portrays my struggle yet positive frame of mind. The guy that did my assessment and recommendations has ordered me a 13inch laptop, printer, speakers and microphone with special software to record notes in lectures as well as mind map my plans to save typing them all out. Hopefully this will help me a lot in lectures, too bad i'm nearly finished for the year though! Oh well, it will come in handy for third year for sure!!

As mum said, if I am entitled to it, I may as well get it!

Just had to blog again to let you all know..

:) Thanks for all your support everyone
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Rubbishy morning, but I'm determined to focus on the positives, however much my body/brain doesn't want to..

I went up onto demi pointe last night in ballet, first time since 17th December 2011, two days before I injured myself! I'm getting there, I feel mentally tired this morning so didn't go and see my friend to go dress shopping - instead I'm just staying in, i'm so close to finishing my assignments that need to be in before Easter! I have to go into uni tomorrow but thats it for the week.

I'm excited to spend Friday with Sophie, her daughter and baby Max. Will be nice to chill out knowing that my essays are handed in! Me & Matt are then spending the evening together for our anniversary - followed by Lakeside on Sunday :) Apart from that, I need to enjoy my quiet week and REST.

Still haven't looked at my DSA report, I will do later though - promise!

x0x0x

My DSA report came through today, I don't want to look at it :( so it's sitting there unopened, there is something about talking about my illness (or seeing it written down) that upsets me, I manage okay but admitting all my struggles doesn't make me feel better!

I still have my hip pain :( it's not really fair is it, but I HATE going to the DRS, they will just say something along the lines of 'rest' or 'take pain killers' so I may as well not waste their time by going haha!

Anyway, getting on with everything none-the-less, I have a pretty quiet week this week thankfully, as next week is busy - I'm off to work in London!

Despite my pain, I'm SO excited to go back to dancing tonight, I haven't been since before Christmas (except for one week a couple of weeks ago) due to injury so I'm raring to go and get back into it, I have a lot of catching up to do - don't worry, I will take it easy! :)

I'm ready like two hours early, woops haha, I need to conserve my energy/excitement for when I am actually there!

I love getting ready to be a ballerina ;) then quick change into my tap shoes for my new tap class!! Excited!

I will man up and read my DSA report soon, and I will be sure to let you know! :)

Have a good evening guys, I can still hear the birds chirping! Spring is on its waaaaaay :)

Charlotte x

Morning everyone.

Firstly like to say sorry for my negative post the other day, wasn't like me but I was in a bad place!

Secondly, it's a beautiful spring morning this morning - that makes me very happy! :)

I managed all eight hours of work yesterday, God knows how. I spent an hour of it sitting at the top of the slide in a daze!! But I managed none-the-less. Today I need to just chill out, I feel like I didn't want to work yesterday so now I need to make up for it and just chill. My pains are also really bad at the moment, my hip is so painful however I sit or lay and my right arm keeps locking and not wanting to move. It makes me want to cry, like my manager said yesterday 'you're too young Charlotte' Hmm! Doctors tomorrow? Possibly!!

Hope everyone has a good restful Sunday,
x0x0x0x

Such a horrible horrible mood today, my hips ache SO much it's making me want to cry, as well as wanting to cry due to feeling on the verge of a breakdown..

I hate being so anxious, too many essays and things to do, it's becoming a chore, I want to enjoy my degree. Argh.

Nothing is sounding right with these essays, I'm doubting myself - I want it to be worth it but I just don't feel like I am as good as everyone else on my course. I won't go into things as I don't feel in the mood for sharing everything in my head, I'm too tired of it all.

Take me back to feeling all relaxed like I was yesterday at Pontins!!

:(

GETTING THERE....

So I've submitted two assignments today, and had different tutorials with lecturers for help on others - I WILL get caught up!!

I also had my DSA assessment today, it was draining sitting there for a whole hour talking about my illnesses but hey ho - if I'm entitled to some stuff, I may as well get it! He's recommended that I get a new laptop with recording equipment and special software that I can take video notes on for lectures. It should take about two weeks to process my assessment then i'll be sent the stuff..:)

Me & Matt go to Pontins tomorrow, only for one night but I am SO glad that we decided to book it, because now the time has come around, we both need it! We are going to chill, indulge and take photos. I can't wait :)

Everything seems to be sorting out, I just need to make sure that I SLOW down and don't relapse, so if anyone see's me doing too much, tell me off!! I need reminding.

Have a lovely rest of your week everyone :) I'll catch up with you all later this week

Love and hugs xxxxxxx

Guess who lasted a WHOLE week at university.

ME ME ME! I did.

I haven't done that in over a year, wow! It's been a good week.

I also had my first weekend this year that i've been busy both Saturday and Sunday - I worked Saturday then I photographed and attended my friends daughters Christening :) It was a lovely day and I loved being 'official photographer'

This is me and Courtney-Mae :) Isn't she adorable!

Anyway, so now I have to rest rest rest before I do something silly and relapse! Thankfully I have a week off uni now, I have to go in tomorrow for a DSA assessment and various meetings with lecturers but thats it! Then the rest of the week is mine to chill out. Me & Matt go to Pontins Wednesday so that'll be nice, to relax :)
Just sorting through stuff this morning and organising my summer, it's going to be a big one! I have lots of jobs already booked in, as well as holidays! Good balance I think, just hope my health starts to stabilise itself! I can hope :)

Hope everyone is as well as they can be, March already? Where is 2012 going in such a hurry!

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