I know i'm smiling, but inside I'm actually crying.

I'm having a tough couple of weeks with whatever illness they've palmed me off with, hypothyroidism, ME, whatever.. 


When you are already completely shattered, putting on an act is just too much. But still, somehow I manage to do it. It's started to get to me, i'm tired of being tired. I'm trying so badly but sometimes just putting on an act is too much. 


Too many pains through my body for NO reason, funny feelings in my body that make me want to be sick, again - for NO reason. Limited on my daily routine, this is my life now - but I've been thinking lately 'wow, what if I could just do things non-stop all day then go out in the evening, wouldn't that be lovely' Which isn't the right frame of mind, this is me now and this is what I should be concentrating on. 


Not sure why it's getting me down, I'm just fed up of it having to be an excuse for things, i'm fed up of having to include it in my daily thoughts just so I don't 'over do it' and relapse. 


I'm sure this is just a bad period, but for the first time in a very long time, it's getting me very very down. 


But who would know? Unless you read this post, if you see me - I have a smile on my face!