2013..the plans!

I'm excited to get 2013 underway, as previously stated, I don't have resolutions, just to carry on with what I've been doing, but I do have some plans! 

I've recently read the following article

http://outsmartdisease.com/how-to-get-off-thyroid-medication/ 

by @outsmartdisease 

It outlines some very important/scary factors regarding thyroid, of which mine is underactive! 

After reading this article, a lot of things now make sense to me - but i'm left with the question 'Why wasn't I told this by the Doctors?' Now, that's probably another story.

So, in no particular order - here are is my plan for 2013 regarding my health..

• Get back to the drs and discuss my thryoid problems, yes my levels are 'normal' but how normal, they don't tell me my levels - of which I deserve to know. So I am going to get back to the drs and discuss it in more detail. I also hate that I am on tablets, I don't want them in my system and believe in alternate methods, I want to get off these tablets - if not, reduce them. 

Going by the article I linked up there, this is possible. So I plan to do everything in my power to ensure that I keep getting better. This may mean a gluten free diet, which will be a huge change, but if I see results then I don't care! A poorly treated thyroid can lead to A LOT of further complications and problems, of which I want to avoid. So please join me in my quest, hopefully I will be successful! 

I know a lot of you are on a gluten free diet, and/or are under active thyroid..so I appreciate any information you can give me

New Year, NOT a new you

And I mean that in the nicest way possible, we are who we are and that won't ever change..we are who we are for a reason. So it is wrong to say 'new me' because that would be untrue, what it really is, is a little motivation to set yourself some goals to achieve before the year is over again. To enhance yourself, into more lovely and wise people through each day.

You should take everything that comes at you, in a positive manner..otherwise, it's been a waste of time? Learn from what happens to you, it doesn't define you..you define it.

So with that little bit of wisdom I wanted to share a few of my thoughts for 2013..

I don't believe in people saying that a whole year was crap..there are 365 days in the year, I'm sure there was at least one good one! They're obviously negative people..of which I do not understand.

2012 was a mix for me, lots of good, some bad, and a lot of life lessons to be learnt. But I will let each event shape me for 2013 and continue to make me stronger. 2012 was a big year in which I learnt to deal and overcome a lot of feelings and bad health that affected me badly in 2011. Because I have learnt to be content with myself, and to pace myself and sometimes be a little selfish, I am getting better each day.

My anxiety has lessened, my outlook on everything is much clearer and I can see a positive future ahead of me.
The future isn't scary anymore, it's exciting and I'm going to take every last bit in and enjoy it. 2013 will be amazing, I have so much planned..some of which ill share with you and some, you'll just have to wait and see.

The Charlotte that types this blog is the same Charlotte, that was very ill a couple of years back, we don't change remember. But she is taking what happened on board, facing it straight on and she is bouncing back stronger than anyone expected her to!!

I think that's where the quote comes in 'I control ME, it does not control me'

2013 will be a continuation of my positivity, mind set and just good living! So therefore my New Years resolution is to carry on doing everything I have been doing..because its working!!

Help yourself everyone, be selfish, do what you need to do..and you never know, it may just help kick some ass :) join me in a year full of positivity and I promise you, it will be a good one!

13, be lucky!

I haven't blogged in so long, mainly because I have been doing a little better, mainly because I am trying so hard to maintain it. 

So I came home from America and was met by the greatest welcome from my family and a very special someone. I've not mentioned him before on this blog, but we have been friends for a while and our friendship blossomed immensely. It's funny how we learn things about ourselves through other people, and since I have known this guy, I have started to live differently. I am more relaxed and enjoying every day more and more. He's a breath of fresh air. 

I started to realise that things had the potential to be so amazing. I also realised what it feels like to not have to look after someone in a relationship. If anything, I am the one that needs looking after - not that I will, I'll do everything on my own and everyone knows that. If I ask for help its because I really need it, not because of any illness of mine. 

Anyway, so yeah - I came home from America and spent an amazing day/night with Connor and we made things official. Since then it has grown in strength and love, which I didn't think possible. This may sound silly because I am actually only 20, but this is different - this is a proper kind of love, the adult kind, where you know, just know, that everything is perfect and the love is so strong. 

I feel stronger in myself, everything falls into place. I don't need to pretend to be feeling fine, or to be able to get on with things sometimes - there is a calm across me that allows me to be myself in each and every way. It's being a good kind of selfish, knowing that I can be however I need to, which is probably a good thing for my health!

I'm back at university now and have already managed a whole week of lectures, last year I only managed ONE full well of lectures out of the 24 week year. So I am already one step ahead. Each week has come and gone and I have managed somehow with my third year schedule, so here's to it carrying on.

When the bad days come; and they do (it's not all good days still) - I sometimes get a little down, but then all I need to do is look at how far I have come in a whole year.
This time last year I was in a whole different place, and if I was told to look back on the year before - I'd of been angry and upset, because things were worse. But now i'm through that, and looking back to last year - can be a whole lot more positive about it all. I have come so far, no matter what any ME specialist says - I know me more than anyone else does & I can tell you that how I am now is 100 times better than the person I allowed myself to be last year.
I still get bad days, but its how you deal with those bad days that counts the most; I realise that now. 

I'm also grateful because I know that there are so many more people out there that are worse than me in their illness, this does not make them any less or more of a person - in my eyes, we are all equal, we are all in the same boat and having to deal with it. I have admiration for anyone with this illness, whether they are still able to go out to work or whether they are house ridden, we all know what it is like to have our bodies try control us. 

I'm sorry for leaving it so long to blog to you, I promise I won't leave it so long next time :) 

Just to let you know..the USA is doing me the world of good.

I felt a little rough around the edges to begin with as I had finally started to rest properly and chill out but now I am cool as a cucumber.

I thought I was content before but now I realise that what I am now, here, at this moment, is content. And it's wonderful.

I'm having time to myself after all the recent crap and I will be back stronger than ever :)

I'm going on a mini holiday on my holiday this weekend as we go up to the lake house :) A whole weekend to chill out on the pontoon - amazing!

I also bought myself an iPad today - eeeeek!! Total excitement

Sending love to everyone, you're all wonderful, strong, courageous people xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Today I went to a concert for the troops.

It was in Mankato, organised by my great Aunts partner and it was called 'Tune it up for the troops'

It was in a local amplitheater & was to celebrate/thank all the troops of the USA.
One bit in particular that really got to me was when there was a special section to pay tribute to the families of fallen troops. Parents of those who had died whilst serving stood along the front of the stage and held hands whilst the singer, Rockie Lynn sung a song.
It was so touching to see them all standing together and singing along, their eyes were full of tears and I felt their heartbreak - but at the same time, they were holding each other up and coming together through their upset.

This was so touching to see

It made me think of a few things, when you see someone in a public environment, you know nothing of their personal life and situation - you don't know their battles they face.

'Be kind to everyone, for everyone is fighting their own battles'

It also made me feel lucky that I've never had to experience this upset, I may not be the most healthiest person alive, but I am alive!

It's also important in any situation to have a good support base, just like the families of the fallen troops who all come together in mourning, to have someone understand the heartbreak and struggles you face - helps you fight the battle if nothing else can.

I will continue to believe these values and carry them into my future. x

You can wake up with the best intentions, after a beautiful nights sleep and your health can still hold a grudge against you and make you feel awful.

There doesn't have to be a reason as to why you feel so ill, you just do. That's what this illness does to us.

I woke up this morning after 11 hours sleep, finally sleeping at normal USA times, and a short while after coming up for breakfast, I felt awful. My whole body aches and I don't feel focused on what's going on around me.

Somehow I managed to pop out with my cousins but then I have spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, which is a massive shame, all I can think of is what i'm missing out on :(

Apart from this, and a lost suitcase (which has now been returned back to me after the airline sent it on the wrong flight) I've had a lovely first few days in the states.
My cousins greeted me with presents and cuddles and have lots of lovely plans for us in these three weeks. It's so nice to be back over here, I love everything about it here.
I feel at ease and relaxed over here, I don't need to be attached to my mobile, or watch television to stay occupied. I am reading my books and spending quality time relaxing and seeing my family.

Hopefully this will be as insighful as ever and increase my personal strength to manage back home.

Adapted from 'Beyond Empathy's' recent status that I totally agree with...

Yes I have fibro / #CFS and yes i can achieve pain control with a rediculus amount of drugs that will soon enough get into my body so much that even the highest of doses will not affect me. These may also condemn me to bed needing full care as im so i have absolutely no function or meaning in my life whatsoever, fully reliant on others to turn me, feed me and wash me. 

I have no psychiatric issues and confirmed by psychiatric specialists. I have never been, or never will be 'depressed' I have low moments but my life will never involve depression. 

I choose to LIVE, and therefore choose to constantly balance my life / pain on a strict routine. I take as few meds as possible to maintain my function though live every day and replace meds with herbals as much as possible. I don't eat/drink certain things and have my days mapped out with strict routine. This pushes my mind to the edge, exhausts me, but I do it. And just because i have now dared to venture from my bed to attempt to have a life and contribute a difference to the world. Does not mean my exhaustion or agony has improved/ lessened/ or strangely disappeared!!!!

I have ventured from my bed and being indoors from days on end to make a life for myself, yes people see me out and about - make up/hair done and a smile on my face but what they need to realise is what they don't see is the most important statement of illness. Just because we are ill, doesn't mean we choose to share it with you.