I haven't blogged in so long, mainly because I have been doing a little better, mainly because I am trying so hard to maintain it. 

So I came home from America and was met by the greatest welcome from my family and a very special someone. I've not mentioned him before on this blog, but we have been friends for a while and our friendship blossomed immensely. It's funny how we learn things about ourselves through other people, and since I have known this guy, I have started to live differently. I am more relaxed and enjoying every day more and more. He's a breath of fresh air. 

I started to realise that things had the potential to be so amazing. I also realised what it feels like to not have to look after someone in a relationship. If anything, I am the one that needs looking after - not that I will, I'll do everything on my own and everyone knows that. If I ask for help its because I really need it, not because of any illness of mine. 

Anyway, so yeah - I came home from America and spent an amazing day/night with Connor and we made things official. Since then it has grown in strength and love, which I didn't think possible. This may sound silly because I am actually only 20, but this is different - this is a proper kind of love, the adult kind, where you know, just know, that everything is perfect and the love is so strong. 

I feel stronger in myself, everything falls into place. I don't need to pretend to be feeling fine, or to be able to get on with things sometimes - there is a calm across me that allows me to be myself in each and every way. It's being a good kind of selfish, knowing that I can be however I need to, which is probably a good thing for my health!

I'm back at university now and have already managed a whole week of lectures, last year I only managed ONE full well of lectures out of the 24 week year. So I am already one step ahead. Each week has come and gone and I have managed somehow with my third year schedule, so here's to it carrying on.

When the bad days come; and they do (it's not all good days still) - I sometimes get a little down, but then all I need to do is look at how far I have come in a whole year.
This time last year I was in a whole different place, and if I was told to look back on the year before - I'd of been angry and upset, because things were worse. But now i'm through that, and looking back to last year - can be a whole lot more positive about it all. I have come so far, no matter what any ME specialist says - I know me more than anyone else does & I can tell you that how I am now is 100 times better than the person I allowed myself to be last year.
I still get bad days, but its how you deal with those bad days that counts the most; I realise that now. 

I'm also grateful because I know that there are so many more people out there that are worse than me in their illness, this does not make them any less or more of a person - in my eyes, we are all equal, we are all in the same boat and having to deal with it. I have admiration for anyone with this illness, whether they are still able to go out to work or whether they are house ridden, we all know what it is like to have our bodies try control us. 

I'm sorry for leaving it so long to blog to you, I promise I won't leave it so long next time :)